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Surprise! It’s an all-new episode with your favorite podcast personalities that aren’t actually famous or Chris Hardwick. Since last we left our plump buddies, Jeremy has become a totally hairless karate master and Jason has watched Double Dragon and subsisted on beard leavings. Enough foreplay, here’s what you’re getting yourself into:

• To beard or not to beard? The Radio Bros. (#Branding) explore that weighty question.
• Ninja matters.
• An all-new edition of “The Rapid Report” with rapid fire snarkitudeiosity about the Coach reboot, Super Troopers 2, Mr. T and hammers, Fraggle Rock, the spectre of Radio Shack, and Vin Diesel’s Oscar wishes.
• An in-depth appraisal of Jesse Eisenberg’s look for Batman v. Superman. (“He bald”)
• Avengers: Infinity War’s new directors, the possibility of a pre-teen Spider-Man, and our generational slide toward a foul and certain abyss of pop culture irrelevancy while 17-year-olds cackle and communicate only in emojis and dagger stares.
• Idris Elba may play the villain AND the Enterprise AND a tribble in Star Trek 3
• There are going to be many Ghostbusters movies. Idris Elba will star in all of them as well.
• George R. R. Martin doesn’t understand why people are angry about spoilers.
• Country fried bullshit about the The Last Man On Earth and the evilness of margarita pools, fountain pooping, and porn-havin.
• A story of theoretical action figure loss.

And, of course, #TacoTalk, wherein Jeremy and Jason praise Danny Trejo as a taco business futurist, imagine the full breadth of the Pope’s pizza adventure, and yell at people who are afraid to get covered in pizza grease (pepperoni ejaculate #Branding) when they grab a slice.

RadioBastard: Your semi-weekly excuse to feel joy without the benefit of self-molestation, barbecue, or sin juice since 2012.